Advanced Search

“The Eleventh Commandment”


Question:

I have a moral dilemma. I know I’m supposed to judge everyone favorably. Does that mean I’m supposed be friendly with someone whom my brain is telling me is really not a good person and could be a negative influence on me? But I don’t want to be a hypocrite: If I’m not friendly with this person, doesn’t it mean I’m judging him unfavorably? Thanks.



AskTheRabbi.org answered:

It is true that we are taught to judge everyone favorably, giving the person the benefit of the doubt (Pirkei Avot 1:6).

However, we are not being commanded to be blind to the truth or to be naive. The very next teaching in Pirkei Avot instructs us to stay away from bad influences, “Distance yourself from a bad neighbor” (Pirkei Avot 1:7).

In practical terms, judging favorably means that if you see someone do something that looks incorrect your immediate reaction is supposed to be that there must be a logical explanation as to why they did that, even if the explanation might be far-fetched.

But, when it is clear that the person is a sinner, or that the person has very bad character traits, or if there is no doubt that the person is wrong, there is no obligation to judge him in a favorable way. One should be careful, however, not to exaggerate his failings either.

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter used to say that the eleventh commandment is “Don't Be Stupid!”

I think that this guidance from our great Sages is applicable to the case you raise, in addition to other similar circumstances. I hope that my reply to you is clear and helpful.


Similar Questions
Relationships > Interpersonal
Violence
Definition of Love
Hosting Relatives
The Candy Truth
Interrupting
Naming Baby
Honor Thy Children?
"Lying"
Forgiveness
Communal Property
Shalom Aleichem
English Name / Hebrew Name
The “Old Man”
Friendship
Long Distance Relationship
Long Time No See!
Pursuit of Peace
Feeling Hurt
Be My Guest
I-Sight
Ego-Tripping
To Forgive is Divine
Our Code of Honor
A Favorable Judgment
Judge Me Not
Friends
Responding to Insults
All in the Family
Tell Me Something New
The Ten Tenets
The Jewish Vote
Winning by a Nose
And Let Us Say “Amen”
Challenge with Observance
Words from the Heart
Staying by Relatives
Speech Therapy
Will They Look Down on Me?
Mercy and “Richer Fruits”
Honor
“Morality and Haughtiness”
Helping a Friend
Upgraded Me
"To Tell the Truth"
A Family Dilemma
Best Friends Forever
The Whole Picture
Criticism
A Diary Dillema
Happy 120th Birthday!
“Office Politics”
Words and Hurt
Returning Theft “After Death”
Physcial Abuse
Keeping a Kosher Family
Philosophy > Ethics
Changing a Character Trait
Revenge
Dog Euthanasia
Judging Others
Chutzpah or Love?
Kosher Speech
The Candy Truth
Funeral Etiquette
"Lying"
The Need for Torah
Forgiveness
Persuasion and Business Ethics
German Coins
"Fixing the World"
Business Ethics and Job Security
Splurging
Long Time No See!
Charity Boxes
Does the End Justify the Means?
Nisyonot ("Tests") in Life
Bringing God into the Workplace
Abortion & Pro Life
Harry Potter
Courage
Does the End Justify the Means?
Stoppping a Food Thief
Why Not Watch TV?
Am I a Bad Jew?
Trusting in God & Medical Treatment
Global Warming
Saving Lives
Obligation to Vote
An Honest Broker
The Silent (Mis)treatment
What is "Humility"?
Wisdom
Directing a TV Advertisement
The Torah Work Ethic
Persuasion
Award for Excellence
The $98,000 Question
You Don’t Be the Judge
An Honorable Mention
The Merchant of Vegas
I-Sight
Color-Blind
A Light Unto the Nations
Collection Agency
"Too Nosey"
Quality of Life
A Moral Dilemma
Unstamped Postage Stamp
The Golden Ticket
Tell Me Something New
Healthy Hypocrisy
The Ten Tenets
Euthanasia for Animals
Lighting the Way
Rental Ethics
Winning by a Nose
What to Tell the Patient
Can I Really Make a Difference?
Benefit of the Doubt
Living It Up
Perpetuating a Loved One
Racism
A Cure for the Incurable
Guilt Feelings for the Guilty?
Friends
“Morality and Haughtiness”
Business Ethics
Employment Ethics
What Would America Do?
The Baltimore Riots
Honesty is the Best Policy
Hypocrisy?
Jaywalking
Just Bending the Truth?
A Family Dilemma
Honor
“White Lie”
Criticism
A Time to Return
Embarrassing in Public
Lying
A Carpet Caper
Educational Ethics - Making Grade
Using Ma’aser Money
“Eyes Only”
Freedom of Speech
Have a question?
 
Gateways - Your Key to Jewish Continuity

AskTheRabbi.org is a service of the Gateways Organization © 2024
Technical problems? Please contact the AskTheRabbi Support team