It is important to find a Rabbi who “gets” you and really understands your personal situation and all aspects of “you” as much as possible. Although we are taught in Ethics of our Fathers (1:6) to “establish a Rabbi for yourself”, this doesn’t mean that a person needs to accept the first Rabbi he or she meets. It’s like looking for a marriage partner in a way. A person needs to find the “right one”. When you find such a Rabbi, I personally would urge you to follow his guidance, and don’t hesitate to speak to him if anything he says doesn’t feel right to you.
Regarding the importance of seeking advice, we are taught, “More advice leads to more understanding” (Ethics of our Fathers 2:7).
I once saw a commentary on this teaching that says: “People tend to think, ‘Ask advice and then use your own judgment.’ If we are going to go with our own judgment, then why bother seeking advice? It may seem that an outside observer cannot fully understand the complexity of the issue he is being asked about. Only the person seeking advice fully understands the complete depth of the issue, but he lacks the wisdom of others whose advice he wants. Therefore, we are taught to seek the advice of many different people, to absorb the words of wisdom from each one, and then apply it to make the decision on our own.”
In addition, one often lacks the “objectivity” necessary to see matters in a proper perspective. A Rabbi who has this objective view, besides the experience of seeing other situations “identical” or similar to yours, may be invaluable. For example, when a couple I know went to their Rabbi to ask how to deal with the financial issues arising from the upcoming marriage of their child, the parents began with the words, “Rabbi, we have a problem…” The Rabbi interrupted them before proceeding to discuss the matter by saying, “A problem! You have a blessing!” This objective insight helped put the situation in a completely different, positive light for the parents (although they still needed to work out the finances, of course!).
Good luck in your finding a suitable local Rabbi to speak with about all facets of life — in this world and the next — and (at least in the meantime) please feel free to write again anytime.
